Seven | Food (day 31)

Well, here we are. Our last day of our first month of Seven. Our perceptives on food have definitely been altered! In the past few days Casey and I have talked through some of the changes we've noticed in ourselves over the past month. I wish I could say they were more drastic and that we'd never again take what we have for granted, or complain, or waste another bite of food. I'm sure all that will not be the case. But what we have noticed is how thankful we've felt for the food that we have... I've been so happy and grateful that those seven foods can combine to make some incredibly tasty items. There's something so refreshing about not having every option available to us. It really makes you grateful! I don't know for sure, but I suspect that I will be less likely to stress over every meal being just perfect and having all the right ingredients. I've become pretty dang resourceful over the past month and I hope that continues.. using what we have and making something delicious out of it. That should help a lot with keeping food from going to waste as well.

But honestly, what I've noticed more than anything is how far my heart is from where it ought to be. I've been irritable and grouchy with my family and friends, impatient with my children, and I've really come to the end of myself in "fixing" those problems. Daily, I have to beg Jesus to work in my heart and change me... to help me get through the day loving those around me. I'm constantly at war with myself, fighting against my self-centered and prideful heart...really hating what I see in myself. Most days I feel pretty overwhelmed in this spiritual battle. Most mornings I find myself failing at loving my family before breakfast is even on the table. But as I continue to fail over and over throughout the day, He reminds me that He's there. He knew I'd be this way. He's not surprised by my sin and He's not finished with me yet. And best of all, "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Cor 5:21) Oh, what happy news that is to me!

It's funny thinking of today being our last day in this limited diet. It's pretty awesome timing, if you ask me, because yesterday and today are the first days I've been nauseous in this pregnancy (which, by the way, is still kind of a secret, I guess. I know that makes very little sense since I am publicly writing about it. I don't plan on many people reading this, so I figure what the heck, I may as well speak freely on here. It helps me. But I'm not ready to annouce it to everyone, say, on facebook just yet)... and I'm getting to the point where it's sometimes hard to think of something that sounds tasty to eat. And I'm pretty sure that if and when this turns into regular old pregnancy nausea, black beans and spinach would start getting old in a hurry. As far as little baby goes, my HCG numbers came back looking great last week and I'm scheduled for ultrasounds both this Friday and next. Even if everything is normal this time around, we probably won't be able to get a heartbeat until next Friday, when I'll be almost 7 weeks.

Which brings me to the next topic: Seven Month Two! I've gotten all my little articles of clothing ready, and each are stretchy and cozy to make room for some possible growth and, if nothing else, some nausea and that feeling of not wanting anything pressing on the tummy. I had a hard time deciding whether to include a swimsuit, but ultimately decided it wasn't worth wasting an item. And most of the time at the pool I sit on the steps playing with Bennett anyway, so I'll just wear a top and shorts. Here's what I chose:

-my Redeemer softball t-shirt from a few years ago (very cozy and loose)
-a stretchy black pair of workout shorts that are oh so comfy
-a red v-neck slub cotton t-shirt that can be casual or slightly dressy
-a stretchy black skirt from Target
-a navy blue slub cotton elbow length sleeve cotton tshirt.. also could be kinda dressy
-a pair of (don't laugh) maternity jeans that are a size smaller than I'd normally wear, so they fit like regular jeans right now except are cozy in the waist
-a long, loose racerback workout top

Another hard choice was the shoes. We had to pick two pairs. Obviously I had to choose running shoes (don't worry though, I'm not running for at least another month or two), and I was torn between red sandals and reef flip flops. I chose the sandals and I hope it proves to be the right choice! I just wanted a way to have a slightly dressy outfit, and they match my red shirt so perfectly.. I couldn't resist :)

And now, a picture to sum up our first month. I bought this 3-liter jug of olive oil at Sam's towards the end of week 1. Not sure how we managed to guzzle the whole bottle, but we did. I hope it's as good for you as they say!

Seven | Food (day 23)

July is moving right along and we only have eight days left of food month! Here's something I've been amazed by during this month. I think I mentioned a week or two ago, how during this fast, God had given us a lot to pray for. That was true for that week and it has continued on and on... There are always people on my prayer list, but this month, God has just poured situation after situation into my life that requires prayer. Some are dear friends who are going through tremendous amounts of pain, and others are people I've never met.. but one way or another, God has placed these situations in front of me and I am learning to pray.

As far as food goes, we've tried some delicious new recipes: my brother came up with an amazing black bean sweet potato burger recipe that I've made twice now. They're so good topped with avocado! I've been making spinach omelettes for breakfast every morning (with avocado tucked inside afterwards), and have just about perfected roasting chickens and then making the most heavenly broth for soup. Who really needs spices anyway? Ha.

Been thinking a lot about next month (clothes!) and trying to decide what to choose for the 7 items. I'm hoping it will be difficult to choose. Here's why: I'm about 4 weeks pregnant and I'm hoping this pregnancy will continue, so that I'll need to carefully select my 7 articles of clothing to be comfortable and not clingy around the tummy (those weeks 5-9 are so icky and nauseating that even if I'm not showing yet, I can't stand anything tight. But since this is my fourth kid, I'm pretty sure by week 9 I will be oh so ready for some maternity clothes!) I'm reluctant to be excited or confident about this pregnancy because of the miscarriages we've had in the past, including two early losses this year. This is my eighth (!) time finding out about a pregnancy, so I haven't really felt like telling people about it. It feels like I've announced pregnancy after pregnancy after pregnancy... and like I drag everyone I tell into this place, only to disappoint them in a few days or weeks with sad news. And yet, one thing I've learned about myself through these losses is that it feels relieving and comforting to me for people to just know. Keeping it all private somehow seems like a harder road to me. So there it is...here we are on a roller coaster that we've become pretty used to. But Jesus is so faithful and good and He sees the big picture when all we can see is a tiny little dot.

a favorite Anne Steele hymn:

You raise Your hands to still the storms
That rage inside my head
Revive my heart with gratitude
Love quell my doubt and dread

Give me a pure and rested soul
From every fear relief
The Spirit's power and presence mine
To ever comfort me.

Seven | Food (day 17)

Well, we're on Day 17 of sweet potatoes, black beans, avocados, eggs, spinach, whole wheat bread and chicken (and we can't forget olive oil, black pepper and salt). I think most days it feels like we've settled into a routine with these foods and they amazingly seem to taste more delicious to me as time goes by. This isn't what I expected.. but I'm thinking maybe it's because we're used to eating these seven things, and now that we've discovered amazingly delicious ways to prepare them, it seems exciting and happy and wonderful to have such great meal options! For example: I've started roasting whole chickens in the oven, and they are juicy and wonderful this way! And (horror of horrors in the days before July 1st) I use the deliciously fatty juice that collects in the pan underneath the roasting rack to flavor black beans and make some pretty awesome soup. We refer to the syrupy sticky stuff that comes out of the sweet potatoes as "candy". Cooking seven sweet potatoes on a pan generates about 1 tablespoon of this rare delicacy, and we carefully scrape it off the pan to add flavor to our amazing sweet potato black bean soup. Yesterday I made up a recipe for muffins. All the ingredients are 7 legal, since they're either one of the 7 or are found in regular whole wheat bread..although I replaced honey with sweet potato. I about died when they came out of the oven, they were so deliciously fluffy and sweet (sweet potatoes taste incredibly sugary to us at this point). I sent two to work with Casey and he was so impressed with them that he forced a co-worker to try it and be amazed. After taking a bite, Casey's friend said something like, "Well.... I guess it's okay, but I sure wouldn't just EAT one of those if I didn't have to." Oh well :)

As good as I happen to be feeling about this month at this moment (I am currently smelling a delicious chicken roasting in the kitchen), if Casey were reading he would probably force me to take back anything I may have said about it being easy. We've had some pretty lousy moments. My sister Rachel is in town this week and she was anxious to try a new restaurant that a friend of ours opened here in town. I cleverly packed an avocado, black bean and hard boiled egg sandwich (I pretty much take one everywhere I go). Casey happened to be driving by on a work errand and saw my car there, so he stopped in. My sister ordered several incredible delicacies and Casey and I had this moment, looking at each other as we held our little lunch bags full of hard boiled eggs, avocados and black beans. He said he'd better get on out of there before he got any more depressed. Rachel and I sat down to eat, and my food was gone almost instantly (she's one of the slowest eaters and I'm one of the fastest). Normally in this situation, I continue to snack off of Bennett's high chair, Rachel's plate, or wherever I can find food until everything in sight is gone. And between the two grown-ups and two toddlers, there were lots of leftovers. But today I looked around helplessly at the restaurant food and had to just be patient. The truth is, I was plenty full. And what I ate was delicious. I can't say I had a great attitude about it, but what I can say is that it is good for my soul. Oh, so good.. even that small bit of self-denial, it is a new lesson for me day after day this month. I do not have to have everything I want.

Seven | Food (day 9)

So, we're into our second week of 7! The first week seemed to be pretty much a piece of cake until yesterday.... and now I'm thinking it's going to be a loooong rest of the month! I cook lunch for our family and Casey's siblings and mom on Sundays.. something I always enjoy doing. But I've gotta admit, yesterday was a bit of a bummer for me and Casey in the lunch department. For the rest of the family, I made a bunch of things, including barbecue chicken, biscuits and chocolate chip cookies... but we pretended not to notice how delicious everything smelled and looked as we ate our sweet potato black bean chicken soup... again. But really, I'm making it sound worse than it actually is. We had a great week and experienced all kinds of delicious meal combinations. I've been creative and tried cooking all sorts of new things. Last night, after a discouraging day as far as food is concerned, I got desperate and made some tortillas. Turns out all it takes is whole wheat flour, olive oil, salt and water, so it's all "legal" ingredients. They were great- although most of what makes a taco is the deliciousness inside... black beans, chicken and avocado sound great in a taco and they are, but a taco is hardly a taco without salsa. I think the hardest part by far is the seasonings. I normally put fresh garlic and onion in just about everything.. not to mention cilantro, basil, lime juice, chili powder, vanilla, cinnamon, etc. I love flavor. I double the seasonings in just about everything I make. So salt and pepper as our only seasonings are starting to seem like a bit of a joke.
However, this month has been incredible and I'm glad it's not over yet. Someone I'm close to told me when we started that when she fasts, God always seems to put a lot of serious things in front of her to pray for. I know this isn't a normal fast.. I'm not sure it categorizes as a fast at all... but every day has been an incredible adventure and I've really had to rely on prayer.. minute by minute, hour by hour. And having so much to pray about really takes my mind off delicious things like peanut butter, tomatoes and cheese. It's been a beautiful week and although at times I've had a lousy attitude about it, I'm reminded of just how much I have taken for granted all the lovely choices that we have around us. But I'm also reminded that I'm not going to be "cured" of my selfishness and greed by the time February 1st rolls around.. Lately I've detected some feelings of hoping to one day just "arrive", free of sin and all my sickening self-centeredness....but of course, those thoughts lead me right back into my cycle of sin and self-sufficiency! Ahhhh, I have a great deal to learn about sanctification. More about that another day.

some not-so-pretty reflection

Well, we're in Day 3 of this 7 thing. It's been good.... and I've come to a few conclusions about myself. For one, I'm realizing that I have spent so little time in my life having to die to myself. I've experienced pain and loss at times, but very little choosing to die to myself and put my comforts away. I work pretty hard to keep myself comfortable and I rarely focus on self-discipline in areas where there aren't lots of people watching. I mean.. sure, it's relatively easy to keep up an appearance, but I deny myself very little in private. At Christmastime when our families are supposed to be making lists of what we need or want, I have a dang hard time coming up with anything. The fact is, if I want it, I've probably already indulged in it because that's what I do. I justify myself by buying things cheaply, getting them on sale, comparing my spending to others', etc. But the issue actually has very little to do with what I'm buying, how I'm consuming, how comfortable our family is. It's about the state of my heart.
It's not that the things I've indulged in are necessarily wrong... it's really not that at all. But I'm beginning to see this part of me that expects to be appeased and pampered, as if I somehow deserve to be able to walk into Target for diapers and decide I'm going to buy a third pair of summer sandals just because I can. It's not that buying the sandals has to be wrong. But there's this feeling I've noticed in the past few years... this process I go through to justify this desire for more and more and better and better "stuff". I have this attitude of entitlement and "since we can afford it, we must somehow deserve it". I'm slowly starting to see this for what it is: greed. And it's pretty ugly.
One of my many prayers this month is (and I stole this from the girl who wrote the book that gave us the idea to do this 7 thing) for God to work in my life in such a way that there might be less of me and my junk, and more of Him.

summer fun at home

I keep a rubbermaid drawer set in my closet that the kids know is filled with lovely surprises and activity ideas, but it's off-limits and they've never seen the inside of it. Included inside are books of "homework"- some K5 level workbook sheets that they feel is a requirement for them every day. They just can't wait for me to hand out homework at the dining room table. Awhile back I found some iron-on lettering for t-shirts at Target (on clearance for $1!), so I bought them and tucked them into my secret drawers for a rainy day. Today I pulled them out as part of "craft time" (a varying activity that is promised on days when we don't go anywhere in our car) We decided to add lettering to a "boring" shirt they each already had. They both quickly decided they wanted the lettering to say "Beechwood Farms". We did Maggie's first and she helped me lay all the letters out, sounding out the words. It came out just like we wanted. When we got to Caleb's, I cut the letters out and had them in a pile and he arranged them (with a little help) on the shirt. I obviously wasn't paying close attention, because when we finished ironing and peeling and could take a look at the words, they read: "Beecwood Farms". I was horrified! Caleb and Maggie weren't frustrated or disillusioned a bit. Instantly, each recommended I simply place the "H" above the word "Beecwood". In fact, they were a little shocked at me for not jumping on board with this idea right away. Why not? It's the perfect solution, Mommy. So we added the "H" and each child proudly admired their t-shirt. I think we all like Caleb's shirt the best. :)

Maggie and Caleb occaisonally watch a DVD or a show on Netflix, but have never watched TV at home before, so I can't imagine they've seen very many commercials, and definitely hadn't seen an infomercial that I know about. I remember how much I enjoyed watching commercials at Grandmoma's house and the first time we ever saw an infomerical, it was exciting :) Anyway, yesterday we were at Nana's house and at one point I found them in front of the TV with one of their uncles, watching an infomercial for some kind of aluminum wallet. Today as I was folding laundry, Caleb came up to me and said, "Mommy, the Aluma Wallet is so strong that even if a heavy truck drives over it, it will still be okay!" I said, "Oh, wow!" and he went on: "It holds lots and lots of cards and they WON'T fall out!" Maggie chimed in, "And it doesn't even MATTER if it gets wet, because the Aluma Wallet is WATER PROOF! Caleb then repeated his line about the heavy truck running over the Aluma Wallet and added something about it being really hard to break. Finally, Maggie said, "And it come in four colors! Red, Black, Silver and Blue. Okay. SO? Don't you want one, Mommy?", as if I had no choice but to say, "Yes, of course!" I thought about explaining how advertising works but decided to just tell them I already have a wallet and didn't need to get a new one right now. :)

A few weeks ago I bought each kid their own (small sized) laundry basket and they started helping with the laundry by putting away their basket of clothes a couple times a week. One particular day when I was behind on laundry (pretty much every day), I put clothes in their little baskets and they were filled up before I was even done sorting. I told them to go upstairs and put away what was in their baskets, and then come down for a basket refill. Meanwhile, I got sidetracked with Bennett in the living room. As I was sitting on the couch changing his diaper, Caleb came to the top of the stairs and announced that he had put away all his laundry. I seriously doubted everything was in its correct drawers, but was happy with the progress and planned to check up on it later. A second later I heard the basket start coming down the stairs and I thought, "Dang it, he's thrown the basket down the stairs... I thought we were past the throwing things down the stairs phase.." But then I saw the basket, flying down the stairs at 90 MPH, with Caleb inside! He hit the baby gate with such force that it came undone from its post and its door swung open. As he crashed, Caleb grabbed the poles to the door and swung with the door. The whole thing looked like a stunt that he was incredibly lucky to have pulled off. He stood up and yelled, "That was great! Can we do that again right away?"

Another fun trick with the laundry baskets is rolling down the treadmill in them (on super low speed).

...And one more of our little "Sweetie Pie Ledford":