oh where, oh where has my baby gone...

One of these days I really will post some pictures. And we got an HD video camera that we are "sharing" with Casey's brother, so when he gets done using it for the weekend I may even get to post some videos!!

This was a sad day for me as a result of a very unexpected occurence. This morning when Caleb woke up, he refused to nurse. I couldn't quite believe it, as just yesterday I was thinking about how much he loved it and wondering how I was ever going to get him to stop! I don't have any idea what happened, but I guess it's just that he's growing up... which was why I felt sad about it all day. I do realize that I'm being a big baby about the whole thing.... that I need to get over it because he's going to have a BIRTHDAY in a few weeks (aaaahhhhhhh), but still, I was sad about it all day. I tried everything I could think of to get him to change his mind, but he simply wants nothing to do with nursing now.... even when he's tired or in a dark room or whatever the circumstance. He bites his lip and turns his head away.. and as the day progressed, he got madder each time I offered it to him. I'm on an antibiotic for a sinus infection, so even though I've been on it for a week now, I wondered if maybe that was all of a sudden making the milk taste funny. Twice during the day, I put some in a cup for him and he ferociously slurped it down and was mad when it was gone, so.... I guess he has just decided he's too big for that baby stuff. It breaks my heart!!! I guess when Maggie stopped nursing, I was pregnant with Caleb and thinking about the next baby, so I never really felt sad... but even though I plan on having more babies, somehow this is rough for me. A few times today I felt really panicked, because for 11+ months now, I've been working to keep my milk supply up... so letting him go all day without nursing goes against everything! But this day had to come sometime... I wanted it to be months from now, but it's just another situation where I wanted to be in control and I have to learn that I'm just not. Maybe tomorrow will be easier... maybe I'll wake up able to accept it better. We'll see!